Sometimes surviving is the best we can do. Our lives include moments and seasons when all we can do is survive to the next moment. At times, we may not be able to change the world or even change our own circumstances, and just making it through the rough times is the point of living. Esther had no choice when she was enlisted into the harem of the king. It wasn’t really good news when the king chose her to be his queen. The sort of queen that Esther became carried no authority, no official power over others. Esther was the sort of queen who was owned by her king as a beautiful trophy. She was lavished with the king’s attention, but she was just that much more vulnerable to his whims and wrath should he change his mind. Esther knew full well the horrible fate suffered by her predecessor. The queen before her pointed out a mistake of the king, and she was never heard from again. Esther was between a rock and a hard place, when she received the dubious honor of being chosen queen. And so Esther learned the rules to the game of court life. She studied how to keep her king happy. She took advice from wise counsel. Becoming queen didn’t open doors for Esther. Quite the opposite, becoming queen eliminated almost all the choices that she had to determine her own life. Becoming queen narrowed the path that Esther could walk and still manage to survive to see another day. It took all of her effort just to survive. That’s how life is sometimes. Sometimes it takes everything we’ve to got just to survive. I have many gay and lesbian friends who aren't out. They aren't open about their sexual orientation at work, or with their families, or in their churches. Someone asked me recently if it makes me frustrated that other people don't come out when some of us have risked a lot in order to be honest about ourselves. But I don't feel frustrated for people who carefully guard their sexual orientation. And I don't feel sorry for them. In fact, many of them I admire greatly, because they're surviving under difficult circumstances. They've taken what life has presented them, and they're actively choosing for themselves a path that keeps them alive, provides for their needs, and permits them to hang on under conditions that have crushed the lives of so many others. I don't feel frustrated or sorry for anyone who is actively choosing to survive. Some gay and lesbian folks don't survive, so I don't begrudge anyone who does what they need to keep going. A few years ago I led a hike as part of a retreat in ministry with people living with AIDS. I was with about fifteen people on this moderately strenuous trail. But for some of these folks living with AIDS, what would be moderately strenuous to most people was tough going for them. Most of them turned back before we reached the end of the trail. But a few of us made it all the way to the end where there’s an incredible view overlooking a stunning waterfall. Only five of us made it that far. These weren’t the healthiest five, but they were the most determined five. As we looked out over the waterfall, one of the women leaned against the rail next to me and pointed at the sheer rock face on the other side of the canyon. She pointed to the trees that seemed to defy gravity as they clung to the side of the rock face. It looked like these firs had just sprouted straight out of the rock itself. It was hard to believe that there was enough soil, enough room for their roots to squeeze into the cracks of the rock, to keep their footing, much less grow. This woman said to me, “Those trees, they’re like AIDS survivors. All we can do is hold on, so we hold tight.” Sometimes the circumstances of our lives present us with just two choices: survive or don’t survive. In times like those, words like theology or ethics or even justice don’t mean so much. Sometimes God calls us simply to keep moving and just survive to see another day.

But the story of Esther tells us that the world does change through the choices that people make just to survive. One person choosing to hold tight can turn the tide of history. One person who chooses to live in the face of fear or despair or pain can make a world of difference. One day, Esther discovered a plot by one of the king’s advisors to kill all of her people. The king’s advisor planned to murder every one of the Jewish people living in exile. Suddenly Esther faced her moment of truth. She was the only person close enough to the king to have any influence over what was about to happen. Esther risked death by coming before the king without being invited. Esther risked her own life to save the lives of all of her people. This was her moment, this was the meaning that gave perspective to all that she had risked and suffered and survived up to this point. Esther changed the course of history. She convinced the king to save her people. Her life, which had seemed so powerless and meaningless suddenly made all the difference in the world. So often our history books are full of caricatures of people, larger-than-life characters who act unambiguously. Our history books seem full of people who are decisively brave or cowardly or selfless or greedy. We tell our history as if George Washington really was perfectly honest, as if all our soldiers are really prepared and willing to die for their country, as if those who’ve worked for racial equality are purely virtuous and those who resist equality are simply ignorant and selfish. But the stories of the people who turn the tide of history revolve around real people. The choices that change lives are made by complicated people with mixed emotions. The moments of courage that shape history come from real people with debatable motives. Rosa Parks made it quite clear that she didn't intend to start a civil rights movement when she refused to move to the back of the bus in segregated Montgomery, Alabama. She didn't refuse to sit in the back of the bus in order to defy institutional racism. Years later, Rosa Parks was determined that people understand that she refused to move to the back of the bus that day because she was tired after working on her feet all day. But her choice was no less courageous. And in fact her simple choice did spark a new chapter in civil rights in this country. History revolves around real choices like that, made by real people in the course of living their lives. In 1969, it was common practice for gay bars in New York City to be raided by the police. The police would pick a few of the known gay establishments and round up everyone inside. Gay men were harassed and humiliated on a regular basis by the police in New York. But one night in 1969, the police raided a bar called the Stonewall Inn. But this time, some of the patrons simply refused to cooperate. They refused to go along, as if they deserved to be harassed and humiliated. And they began to fight back. And suddenly a whole lot of people started fighting back that night. And suddenly the gay community in New York started fighting and yelling and demanding that they be treated with respect. And most historians mark that night at Stonewall Inn as the start of the modern gay rights movement. History is shaped by people just living their lives, facing choices, and choosing to take risks. Our world and our lives are built on the stories of real people who live into their moments of truth. People like you and I shape the world in dramatic ways. People just getting by, holding on, surviving, are the people who change the course of history.

I remember all my life wondering when I would graduate into “the real world.” At my high school graduation, the speakers talked about how we were leaving the halls of our school to face the real world out there. Then in college, I was told that we were being prepared for the “real world” out there. Then in seminary, my classes were designed to prepare us to face the “real world” in the parish. And even now, in the midst of church debates over homosexuality and theological diversity, I hear voices who say “all these debates don’t matter to people in the real world”… out there. I've finally concluded that this is the real world. The real world is the world that you and I live in. Real life is made up of the choices that you and I face every day. Sometimes real life is bleak, and our choices are limited and unattractive. Sometimes real life comes down to deciding whether or not to give up. But I believe God has placed a moment of truth in each of our paths. Each of us has a calling, a purpose, a moment when we can make a difference. Let's not fail to recognize that the real world is happening to us, however old we are, whatever circumstances we live in. God has something crucial for each of us to do, perhaps not this day or the next. But there will come a moment when we're just living our lives, making our day to day choices, and suddenly we'll be faced with a challenge to take a risk and step out for what is right and just. So when life seems less than vital, when you feel like giving in to despair, when the best you can do is just to hold on, in those moments hold tight. God is about to do amazing things through you. Amen.