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For the past three weeks we have been discussing forgiveness unto another and the difficulties that one may face in that challenge. But there is another form of forgiveness that many find even more difficult to handle. The forgiveness of the one I see when I look in the mirror, the forgiveness of myself, for what I have done or have perceived to have done.
How many of us grow up being told it is our fault? Hearing you had better eat that last bite whether you want it or not, because there are children around the world going to bed hungry tonight and you do not
appreciate what you have! “I do all this to help you and you take it for granted and will not even say thank you or clean your room let alone make your bed and take out the trash. Who do you think you are, anyway? I work all day to provide for you and you have no sense of appreciation for the sacrifices I make so you can dress nice, live nice, have a nice room and clothes and not look like a bum. Now can you start acting like you have some common sense?” Or, the one that got me in big trouble for looking in the mirror at myself. “You had just better be careful what you say and start watching your mouth!” And the scars of not being good enough seem to always linger as one cannot forgive them self and continue to emotionally beat themselves up.
In the Bible there is a man who had trouble forgiving himself and he left a legacy for all to observe, learn from, and step out from. Not too many people name their son Judas because the name Judas reminds people of Judas Iscariot who betrayed our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Matthew 26:20-22:
When it was evening, Jesus sat at the table with the twelve disciples; and as they were eating, Jesus said, “Truly I say to you, one of you will betray me.” And they were very sorrowful, and began to say to Jesus one after another, “Is it I, Lord?”
Matthew 26:47-50:
While Jesus was still speaking, Judas came, one of the twelve, and with him a great crowd with swords and clubs, from the chief priests and the elders of the people. Now the betrayer had given them a sign, saying, “The one I shall kiss is the man; seize him.” And Judas came up to Jesus at once and said, “Hail, Master!” And Judas kissed Jesus. Jesus said to Judas, “Friend, why are you here?” Then they came up and laid hands on Jesus and seized him.
Matthew 27:1-5:
When morning came, all the chief priests and the elders of the people took counsel against Jesus to put him to death; and they bound Jesus and led him away and delivered Jesus to Pilate the governor. When Judas, Jesus betrayer, saw that Jesus was condemned, Judas repented and brought back the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priest and the elders, saying, “I have sinned in betraying innocent blood.” They said, “What is that to us? See to it yourself.” And throwing down the pieces of silver in the temple, Judas departed; and he went and hanged himself.
Have you ever done something wrong and you felt that irrelevant of what you said or did it was not good enough and you could not forgive yourself? You felt you betrayed someone by your actions, verbal and or non-verbal and for this you were condemned. And in your self-condemnation you felt you could not say or do anything right for what you had done wrong? And you felt isolated, afraid, ashamed and alone. For the person in the mirror is our worse enemy and critic in the universe.
Have you ever stopped to realize that as Judas hung himself and you and I, have committed suicide by our own self-condemnation which constantly choked our necks until they feel distorted from our frustration and self-shame that cause us to black out and just want to die?
Have you ever doubted your ability to forgive yourself and your ability to forgive yourself for what you have done wrong irrelevant if it is verbal and or non-verbal?
The times that you have laid in bed, sat in your chair, isolated yourself, and cried while expressing anger and disbelief over what you have done. As you have convinced yourself for you always believe what your mind tells you, screwed that one up again, to be true about yourself. After all, think about it, when we tell God we do not forgive ourselves we are telling God, “HEY GOD, I ACCEPT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME THROUGH YOUR ONLY SON, MY LORD AND SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST DYING ON THAT OLD WOODEN CROSS FOR MY SINS. BUT EVEN WITH THAT, I CANNOT FORGIVE MYSELF. SO WHAT YOUR SON DID FOR ME IS UNIMPORTANT. THANKS FOR THE OFFER.”
It’s kind of like the individual who was driving their car and their friend was with them. As they approached the yellow light it turned to red and the driver ran the red light almost giving their friend a heart attack. The friend screamed, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU RAN A RED LIGHT AND COULD HAVE KILLED US! ARE YOU CRAZY?” The driver calmly replied, “That’s how my father taught me to drive” and as they preceded to drive the driver continued to run the red lights while their friend prayed, Our Father Who Art IN Heaven, hallowed by thy name. You get me out of this car alive and I will tithe 50% every Sunday! Driving a little further they approached an intersection as the light turned green and the driver came to a stop. With a look of shock and dismay the friend asked the driver, “PLEASE, PLEASSSEEEEE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY YOU STOPPED FOR THE GREEN LIGHT?” Calmly the driver replied, “I wanted to make sure my father wasn’t coming the opposite direction.”
How many of us go through life driving our lives as we were taught by those who raised us and or by life circumstances? Unable to ask forgiveness to ourselves for the pain, the fear, we have inflicted on those we love by our actions, choices and behaviors? By that which we inflict needlessly on ourselves. For the name Judas is derived from the Greek name “Judah” and means “May God be praised.” Judas’ name means something wonderful but Judas didn’t live up to his name and his life is known as “May God be cursed! I have betrayed the Savior!” But in the process of what occurred with Judas, our lives, many lives have been enriched.
What does your name mean and what is your life known as? Do you think of yourself by your name or what may be said about you?
The hardest part as an unworthy human has to deal with once it is discovered that God has forgiven us our sins through His only Son Jesus is forgiving ourselves.
And look at Noah’s life that was filled with chaos as he built an ark as God told him to.
Genesis 7:1-5,
Then the Lord said to Noah, “Go into the ark, you and all your household, for I have seen that you are righteous before me in this generation. Take with you seven pairs of all clean animals, the male and his mate; and seven pairs of the birds of the air also, male and female, to keep their kind alive upon the face of the earth. For in seven days I will create rain upon the earth for forty days and forty nights; and everything I have made I will blot out from the face of the ground.” And Noah did all that the Lord had commanded him.
So what does this have to do with us forgiving ourselves? About: Remember, Respond and Recover?
Noah was human, he Remembered his past. Noah was married, had children and responsibilities in the real world and in the process he was bound to make mistakes. But Noah did not beat himself up and he
Recovered and Responded by forgiving his mistakes.
Genesis 7:5,
And Noah did all that the Lord commanded him.
Are you answering the call from God in your life or are you busy beating yourself up for something you have done? Are you beating yourself up like a boxer has you in the corner, beating you with no stopping until you are worn down and out? Or are you trusting and using your situation to serve God?
This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. And in the process if you find yourself struggling with something in your past that you keep beating yourself up over, that you will not let go, and stop it at this very moment! For you are worthy of not being beat up any more. I AM WHAT? You and I are worthy of not being beat up any more.
The kneeling rail is open for all as we enter into prayer.
Father God, I thank you for the gift of forgiveness, my own forgiveness, You gave to me through your precious only Son, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It is amazing to know that in spite of all that I have done, all that I am. You Father God still love and accept me just as I am. Father God, now I ask that You help me to forgive myself so that I may grow closer to You and the path I am walking with You. Help me to understand, while I am forgiven, it is okay that I remember my sin and grieve over it. I pray that I can truly examine what I have gone through and listen to the message You send me about how to use the knowledge gained from that mistake to serve you. It is in your Son Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
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