August 25, 2007

 Greetings to all SUMC Youth Group families!

 I’ve been back from Heifer International’s Overlook Farm for just over 24 hours, and am readjusting to my largely convenient life here on Long Island.  I’ve spent a good part of the day putting together the fall schedule for the YG, and decided to write a cover letter to accompany it.

 With each and every trip to Heifer, the dynamic of our group changes, as do the guides and staff at Overlook Farm.  While returning chaperone Sue Ackerman & I reflected that last year’s trip had an almost magical quality to it, this one had a few more challenges and bumps. While overall it was a positive week, at times a few of the kids had a “been there, done that” outlook, with some of them having been to Overlook 3 times in three years. Others found many of our chores less than inspiring. The idea of suffering through yet another 24 hours of low-level hunger and discomfort from sleeping on cold, hard boards in ‘Thailand’ (in the Global Village) had lost its intrigue for some. There was even covert talk of invading the kitchen after the Global Village breakfast that led to dissent within the Youth Group itself—something Sue & I were not aware of at the time. Our young farm guide, while knowledgeable and highly committed, was extremely serious and often abrupt and humorless. I must admit that on one particular day as I mucked out a horribly messy urine & feces soaked goat pen, I had to ask myself why I was there.

 While considering the past week and also planning ahead for the fall schedule today, I got to thinking about what brings us together as a group, and why sometimes whatever we’re doing  “works” while other times it doesn’t.  For some reason, a person who lived in my neighborhood many years ago popped into my head—she has long since moved away.  Years ago, several of the young moms in our neighborhood would get together once a week to let our 3-4 year-olds play, and suddenly (and for no particular reason) I thought about Jeannie and her 2 sons, Greg & David.

Jeannie was definitely the “rich one” of our little group—her husband was a very successful emergency room doctor.  Jeannie herself had an understated elegance—her house was always perfect, the décor tastefully coordinated with furniture of quality.  Jeannie had nice clothes, styled hair & professionally manicured nails.  Clearly the family had more disposable income than the rest of us, but they didn’t flaunt it or make anyone uncomfortable relative to their affluence. 

One day Jeannie and I were the only 2 who could get together—it was right after Christmas, and others in our group were tied up with travel, extended family, etc.  As our kids played, Jeannie asked me about my Christmas, and I asked about her Hanukkah.  She told me that for her & her husband Jed, Hanukkah was not a ‘big’ holiday as Jewish holy days went, but that it had been pleasant enough.  Out of curiosity, I asked her what it was like to be so bombarded by Christian culture for the Christmas holiday in particular.

Without pretense, Jeannie explained in so many words that she and Jed had decided years ago that Christmas was an opportunity to give back to the community.  Jed signed up for ER duty on the days surrounding and including Christmas & Easter so his Christian colleagues would have those days off, and each year Jeannie took the boys to the St. James Roman Catholic Church and spent Christmas day setting up, helping to prepare food, serving and cleaning up at the soup kitchen.  She told me that she wanted her boys to grow up feeling that they could make someone else’s holiday more special by offering themselves.

Anyone who has worked in the soup kitchen at the Catholic Church knows there’s absolutely no glamour and usually no thanks.  The guests can be intimidating and often suffer from mental illness that at best makes them incoherent and at worst somewhat frightening.  But like so many things, what you bring to the soup kitchen is what you take away from the soup kitchen.  As I thought back on Jeannie & her family, I thought of the Youth Group itself. It’s comprised of a group of somewhat unlikely individuals that happen to find commonality at Setauket United Methodist Church: mostly United Methodists, one or two from other local Christian churches, those who are religiously undefined, an atheist or two, a dedicated adult volunteer who comes every week because she wants to, and a somewhat rebellious, attitude-prone Episcopalian. 

What brings us together is far more powerful than any differences we have.  Thinking back about my friend, I have little doubt that Jeannie’s day was not fun-filled at the soup kitchen, but she did it anyway. I’m sure that in some years, Christmas “worked” at the soup kitchen as well as it possibly could while serving the loneliest of humanity, and other years it was probably pretty grim.  It’s a messy place in every sense of the word. But listening to Jeannie it became clear to me that what she and her family did was not just about them.  She was no saint—don’t get me wrong-- but her family didn’t give their time simply to look good or to affect a “holier-than-thou” attitude—in fact, Jeannie never probably would have told me about her Christmas if I hadn’t asked.   She didn’t tell me to be admired, or do the work out of any sense of guilt. Jeannie and Jed were not patronizing in their manner, and I never had the sense that they looked down on anyone, no matter what their circumstance. So while my family (and many others) indulged in the excesses that have become a big part of Christmas in our culture, Jeannie and her family gave of themselves to strangers because they knew it might mean something to them.

At Heifer, we spent 5 days learning about sustainable resources—resources that in the end are not just used up and forever gone, but that can be cultivated and nurtured for the generations to come.  We learned about wastefulness and were reminded that our culture often prizes instant gratification and collecting “stuff.”  This was not always fun or comfortable. Sometimes the meaning was lost on some, as I’m sure the soup kitchen might have been lost on Jeannie & Jed’s two young boys.  But thinking back about Jeannie reminded me why you keep going-- even when your jeans are soaked with animal filth from mucking out a stall. For me, the very essence of what Christianity means is linked with the concept of sustainability.  Remembering my former neighbor who has long since moved away to the Philadelphia area (who is no doubt continuing her quiet campaign of giving dignity, love and honor to those who need it most) helped me find another meaning for sustainability after a less than perfect week in a less than perfect world.

So on those few days that just don’t work, when the kids of the Youth Group are rolling their eyes, giving one another meaningful glances, or sitting & staring defiantly at me with their arms folded, daring me to ask one more thing of them—I will remember that doing what matters often is messy. And I’ll do my best to remember what an honor it is to have the chance to work with such an eclectic group of fundamentally dedicated teenagers, what a privilege it is to count Jen as one of our group, and that somehow we choose to keep coming to Setauket UMC for a reason bigger than ourselves and our group as a whole.

Welcome (back) to the SUMC Youth Group!!!

Peace & love,

Cindy