Sermon: Life’s Playground

September 20, 2009

James 3:13-4:3, 7-8a & Mark 9:33-37

by the Reverend Steve Clunn

A number of years ago I was playing golf with a couple of parishioners. The course was

crowded and me being a bit of a duffer, didn’t help move us along any.

Although that day, it didn’t really matter. Things were backed up all the way through the

course and we’d find ourselves waiting to tee off at almost every hole.

Needless to say, it was a gorgeous day and I was enjoying the company as well as getting

a chance to play golf. Cause everyone who plays knows, “a bad day of golf is

better than a good day at work.”

It would have been perfect, except the foursome behind us seemed to be getting anxious

and frustrated by the delays. My group even talked about letting them play

through, except for the fact that we were held up by the group in front of us, and

so-on, and so-on…

Finally on the last hole, a short par three with the green sitting up on top of a hill, we

found ourselves finishing up our putts; when suddenly a ball dropped up on the

green, just a few feet away from one of our group, Ken.

We looked back and sure enough it was one of the guys in the foursome behind us. Not

only did he ignore the rules of etiquette of golf by not allowing us the time to

clear the green, but he didn’t even yell “four” to warn us that a ball might be

coming our way.

Ken was angry, beat red angry. He picked up the ball that landed just behind him, threw it

back down the hill at the guy on the tea and began to yell, “Why don’t you go

to, to,” I think that’s when Ken remembered that I was playing with them,

because he was stammering over what he wanted to say. Finally, he blurted it out… “to church!”

We walked toward the club house laughing all the way.

We have rules of etiquette for almost everything. For eating, weddings, funerals,

bowling, even for playgrounds and parks.

They are rules that are often unspoken, but need to be taught and learned. They are a kind

of underlying wisdom that affords respect and dignity for one another in society.

Sometimes, they vary from culture to culture. In some places it is frowned upon to

belch during a meal; in others, it is seen as a compliment to the cook. In some

places it is a sign of friendship to offer your right hand for a hand shake; in others, extending the right hand is considered an insult.

Why all this talk about etiquette and manners? Well, besides the obvious connection to

the scripture readings with the disciples arguing over who’s the better disciple and

the James references to disputes and conflicts and their source being found in our

own personal inner conflicts; these past few weeks have seen a number of events

that have caused almost every major news agency in our country to ask the

question, “what has happened to civility?”

From Congressman Joe Wilson’s outburst during a Presidential address to Sarena

Williams tirade toward a line judge during her semi-finals match with Kim

Clijsters, during the US Open; we are seeing the results of a culture that has

seemed to become obsessed with winning rather than loving the game; being right

even at the cost of relationships; and, being at least noticed rather than caring

about being polite and dignified.

Did you think I was going to forget about Kanye West’s interruption of Taylor Swift

receiving an award at last Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards?

In Jesus’ day, a child had no rights. They were considered property of the male head of

the household and to be dealt with as he saw fit. Quite literally, according to the

religious law of the land, the life of that child was in their hands.

And yet, there was also the lesser laws and reminders that children grow up into adults;

and as parents, we hope to be around long enough to need to rely on them – at the

very least for comfort and emotional support.

Or as my daughter Julia used to joking say to me when we’d get frustrated with each

other, “be careful daddy, I may be the one to one day pick your nursing home.”

Of course my response would be, “be careful little girl, I might make sure that

you have to pay for it too.”

When Jesus brought a child before the disciples just after telling them that if they wanted

“to be first must be last and servant to all;” he was giving them a very tangible

example of what that would mean.

That didn’t mean last and servant among the elite and privileged. It meant welcoming a

child, the un-privileged and powerless, and welcoming them as they would an

honored guest.

You see, etiquette, politeness, treating someone with dignity and respect isn’t something

we do because the other person has earned it. It is something we do because we

are doing it for ourselves and the type of world we would like to see before us.

We do it, because we respect ourselves enough to try to be the type of person we would

like to have in our lives.

It’s tied in to that “loving others as we love ourselves” approach to life and faithful

living.

Recently I heard a comedian say, “I think there ought to be a rule that when you hold the

door for someone and they don’t even bother to say thanks, you can pull them

back through the doorway and slam the door in their face.”

I think he was missing the point about being polite!

When I was in Seminary, my desk looked out over the playground just outside married

student housing. I set it up that way, so that I could look out and see Andrew

playing with Ben and Lauren, his two best friends at the ripe age of two.

What I often got, was a lesson in socialization and community building. As one parent

once wrote, playgrounds “are like little workshops for the town’s youngest to

learn how to get along, and how things are done in the world. Issues like permissive parenting or instilling compassion come up constantly while children play on the …firetruck or the …pirate ship.

… We want our children to be good people, good citizens. Okay so far. We want our

children to be creative, self-reliant, independent. But at what age? We want

compassionate yet assertive children. Now we’re getting into more questionable

territory. How do we achieve any of these things in the right balance, and not

make the mistakes we may feel our parents made? What is right, in this day and

age, in terms of the social mores at the playground, other people’s children, and

other children’s toys?”

What I discovered in watching children play, is that they often learn the rules by

example, more than by verbal instruction. If you want to have others play with

you than you have to learn to wait your turn, share, and treat each other with some

semblance of kindness and care. Yes, children need guidance and instruction as

they grow, so that they can understand consequences.

But more than that, they need examples. Recently I heard someone say, “youth may seem

like they don’t listen to a word we adults say; but remember, they are watching

everything we do.”

Recently, I was at a meeting about youth and the youth there wanted to share all tht they

were doing in terms of peer mediation and counseling. And while we adults were

praising them for their work and efforts, when it came time for an open discussion, several of the youth had to push their way into the conversation.

While we adults may have had more experience and resources at our disposal, the

message sent wasn’t one of respect and care; it was one of concern, yes; but it

came off as being more about rightness and control.

If we really care about civility, compassion, kindness and the dignity of all, then we have

to get beyond the attitude that says, “I won’t show respect to anyone who doesn’t

first respect me.”

Instead, we need to adopt an attitude of “I’m going to be respectful of others, because I

respect myself and I believe that others need to learn, if not by my words, by my

example.”

After all, we only have this one life to live. Don’t we all want to have the best time

possible? Don’t we want to be part of a culture and society where everyone is

respected, treated with dignity and care, even though they may not know how to

show it to themselves?

Isn’t our task as followers of Jesus’ way in this day and age, to live an example of love

and hope that helps others to find those attributes in their own life?

If this life, is the only game I’ve got, than I want to play it to the best of my ability and

not to win at all costs. Whether I succeed or not, I want the impression to be that I

was a lover of the game and that I was an example of sportsmanship that brought

dignity to the game.

Last Wednesday, at Wednesday worship I posed this question to the group; “if the line

judge had, in the midst of Ms. Williams tirade, had pulled her aside and said

something like, ‘Ms. Williams, I may very well have made a bad call, we will

review it and if I made a mistake, then I am sorry. However, I am doing my job to

the best of my ability, and like you, I am a human being and deserve to be treated

as such;” how do you think things would have gone from that moment on?

Yes, Sarena Williams was wrong; just as John McEnroe was wrong before her in the

game of tennis; just as any player, coach or person is wrong when they lose

control to the point where they start diminishing the dignity and worth of another

person.

But in this playground of life, we still have much to learn; more to grow into; and, I hope,

better times to come.

So play nice, share well, be patient for your turn, and be kind in your treatment of others.

It’s not about being right or winning; it’s about how you play the game. Remember, your

actions will speak much louder than your words… for they will tell your

playmates and our children which of your words you truly believe.

“Draw near to God, and God will draw near to you.” Amen.