KINDNESS: LOVE AS THOUGHTFULNESS
Rev. Dr. Dennis Winkleblack
Prospect United Methodist Church
Bristol, Connecticut
July 19, 2009
Ephesians 4: 25-32
Luke 6: 27-36
Violence or the threat of violence continues to make headlines. Eight Americans killed by terrorist bombings in Indonesia. Five Jersey City policemen killed in a shoot out. A home invasion gone wrong led to the killing of 2 wonderful parents of a dozen children in Pensacola, Florida, most of whom had been adopted with multiple handicaps. And, of course, the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan continue. More than 4000 Americans have died there since 2003. Much less publicized, however, is that as many as 1 million Iraqui civilians have died because of the conflict.
In the wake of such events, we could well be accused of being grossly insensitive or naïve to talk this morning about "kindness." Surely, God’s people need to be talking about something much more potent than love as kindness. And yet, to paraphrase the 19th century Anglican priest, F.W. Robertson, no great act of love can be performed by anyone unless they are also always doing considerate small ones.
We desperately need great acts of love in our society. We also desperately need smaller acts of kindness.
Some years ago I asked a mother how her daughter liked being 13 years old. She replied "She's learning that the world can be very unfair and unkind." Now, as a grandfather of two little girls, I dread their learning just how unfair and unkind and cruel this world can be.
For many of us, at I talked about last week, the world's unkindness begins the second we get in our cars. Rude drivers, aggressive drivers. And increasing road rage. Some folks no longer just get mad, they try to get even. These are little things on the grand scale of things, admittedly. But like all acts of kindness or unkindness, they tend to play themselves forward.
You tailgate me, and I’ll do something unkind to someone else who will pass such unkindness forward until something really awful is liable to happen down the road. Likewise, if someone lets me merge in front of them, I’ll let you cut in and we’ll both be happy.
Kindness. What the world desperately needs now is kindness. |
Kindness. What the world desperately needs now is kindness.
Biblically, both Old Testament and New Testament words for kindness are derivations of words that are used for "mercy." You may remember the beautiful passage in the OT, in the book of Micah where he summarizes what the Lord requires of his people. And that is for us to do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with God.
Micah is surely talking about big things. A life that is devoted to seeking justice and mercy and kindness. This life will be full of both kindness on a large scale such as is expressed when volunteers in mission go to the Gulf Coast to help clean up after the hurricanes. But kindness also has to do with daily acts of kindness such as a couple of you have done when you’ve come to see me in the office and brought me a coffee from Dunkin Donuts! By the way, remember that after lunch I need Decaff.
This morning we continue a series of sermons on the Fruits of the Spirit – those qualities in a Christian’s life that ought to grow as we mature in faith. In focusing on kindness, I want to direct our attention to this idea of thinking small – of thinking of doing small acts of kindness. In doing so I’m taking my cue from one biblical interpreter who suggests that Paul’s use of “kindness” in the list of fruits of the spirit is best understood in terms of thoughtfulness. Kindness as thoughtfulness.
Jesus was clearly about big things, like saving the world from destroying itself. But scripture also records dozens of his acts of little kindnesses – his thoughtfulness – as well.
For example, many of his healings were done spontaneously because he was moved with compassion. Or remember the time he was at a wedding where the wine had run out. What did he do? He provided some. Or the occasion when his disciples declared they were tired of tramping about from town to town, and he said "Come, let's go rest awhile." Or, when he was dying on the cross, he thoughtfully asked John to take care of his mother, Mary.
In Jesus, then, we have the supreme example of kindness being love lived out as thoughtfulness. Thoughtfulness in thought, word, and deed. Let’s consider our topic in just this same way.
First, thoughtfulness in thought. Because thoughtfulness does begin in our thoughts. Begins with kind thoughts. To have kind thoughts, however, we need to make sure we’ve cleared our minds of unkind thoughts. In fact, sometimes the way we nurture kind thoughts is by catching ourselves having unkind thoughts and nipping them in the bud.
\Personally, what helps me have more kind thoughts than not is to realize that every person has a reason for being the way they are. This was something we talked about this past week in our study of the book, “The Shack.” Truth is, if we knew the story behind why each person is as they are, we might not still like them, but I’ll bet we’d understand enough so that we would have fewer unkind thoughts about them.
I read about a prison warden who had a sign in his office facing him so he could see it when talking to an inmate. It read: "Every man is fighting a hard battle; therefore be merciful and kind." Kindness begins with attitude: every person is indeed fighting a hard battle in one way or another; therefore, let us be kind.
Be thoughtful in thought. Also be thoughtful in word. Often there is no kindness greater than the right word at the right time. In the book of Proverbs it's written, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." And then this gem from Blaise Pascal: "Cold words freeze people, and hot words scorch them, and bitter words make them bitter, and wrathful words make them wrathful. Kind words also produce their image on men's souls; and a beautiful image it is. They smooth, and quiet, and comfort the hearer."
I’m reminded of the importance of kind words, little words, often when I shop. The other day, for example, at Stop and Shop. I completed the transaction and reflexively said “thank you.” The cashier replied, “you’re welcome.”
Once again I realized, as these kinds of transactions go, we had it backwards. The cashier is supposed to thank me and if I say anything at all it would be "you're welcome." But of course it was fine the way it was. And it might have been even better, had we both said "thank you" and “you’re welcome.”
After all, she's about providing me with stuff I absolutely need for life. Not the chips and ice cream, but the healthy stuff. And I'm helping pay her salary, something she needs. One could even argue that it might not have been out of order for each of us to hug each other and weep with gratitude. For we were a part of meeting each other’s dearest needs.
Words are little things, to be sure. But it's the little words of kindness that make or break a day, isn't it? "Thank you;" "I'm sorry;" "Excuse me;" "Please": such are the tangible means of grace that help life run smoothly.
Which brings us to kindness in deed. Deeds, of course, may or may not be accompanied by words. Deeds usually are the ultimate expression of love as thoughtfulness.
In Matthew 25 Jesus says that any deed of kindness done for another -- whether it's the giving of hospitality (food or drink or shelter or clothing); or an act of mercy (visiting the sick or the imprisoned) -- is a deed done as to Jesus himself.
As an example of this kind of loving kindness, Brennan Manning tells the story of a group of salesmen who'd gone to a convention in Chicago some years ago. They had a plane to catch to come home to New York and they were running late. They raced to the airport, ran through the terminal, but just before getting to their gate, while dashing through the crowd, one man knocked over a table supporting a basket of apples.
Without stopping, they all reached the plane in time and boarded with a sigh of relief. All but one. Because, as he was putting his carry-on in the overhead compartment, the man began to play back the scene in his mind. He could see the apples rolling every which way and a girl stooping to get them. Yes, there was a girl. His conscience won out. He said good-bye to his companions, who thought he was nuts, and returned to the terminal.
He was glad he did. The 10 year old girl was with an adult – probably her mother – and the woman was blind. The salesman helped gather up the few remaining apples from the floor and noticed that they were now filthy, contaminated with who knew what kind of stuff from the floor. The man reached into his wallet and said to the girl, "Here, please take this twenty dollars for the damage we did. I’m so very sorry."
As he started to walk away to see if he could still board the plane, he heard the girl say, "Mister, are you Jesus?"
Jesus indeed. Jesus was about big things, cosmic things. But thank God, the biblical writers thought to include his smaller deeds of kindness, of mercy.
You and I may not be able to perform physical miracles. But none of the kinds of everyday kindnesses shared by Jesus one to one are beyond the scope of any of us.
The world gives many rewards. You read about them in the paper. Maybe you've gotten some. They're great to get. Make for wonderful epitaphs: "He or she earned millions or built dynasties or built churches or earned 10 university degrees or scaled Mt. Everest."
I have a feeling, however, that when the front row seats in heaven are given out epitaphs like those will be worth very little.
Based on Jesus' life, I have a feeling that the legacy that will be among the most impressive in Heaven will be "He or she was always kind."