BUMPoems
Words from the heart...
In loving memory of those we've lost
by the members of BUMP (Bereaved United Methodist Parents),
BUMS (Bereaved United Methodist Siblings) and friends.
The New Road
(in memory of my son, Colin Stephens)
I walk this new road of life trying to look straight ahead,
most of the time I manage, but sometimes I want to be led.
Most of the time my mind can't concentrate, seems that I've lost the knack,
but grief comes over me unexpectedly, like slipping on ice that is black.
To live in this new world of mine is like walking on a minefield, I tiptoe about,
I try to be careful on bad days not to open the photo albums lest I freak out.
Oh I know the minefield is there and what it can contain -
happy memories, laughter, but with that also comes such pain.
What do I do as the years go on, I want to see that face that used to smile at me,
I look at the face and close my eyes and know his memory will never ever flee.
I then say, "Get a grip, woman you're getting older by the hour why do you fret?"
Just hold on to your faith, you know in your soul God's promise will be met.
So I turn it around, the crying, longing and reading books on grief,
I'm in a good place now tonight, calmer with this comfort, my remaining time here is brief!
We're here for a purpose and what mine is I'm still searching to find out,
I think I'm slowly "getting it" but it's been a struggle, of that there is no doubt.
We cried when we were born to this earth so many years ago,
We were thrust into this new place and our hearts did feel some woe.
We had to leave the safety of our mother's womb where we felt safe and sound,
YET! there is another birth ahead for us, and our real home we will at last have found.
When all the advice is given and all the self-help books have been read,
I'll hold on to all that is really left, God's promise and all that He has said.
©Alice Stephens
(Colin's mum)
December 2, 2003
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Below is a poem I wrote right after Leon’s body was found. People had a lot of strange
notions about how I should feel, act, etc. Some couldn't handle my emotions and tried to
keep me from crying; tried to cheer me up by telling me it would be all right; tried to “comfort”
me by telling me it was God’s Will. It will never be all right - my heart aches for one more hug
and longs for the grandchildren that will never be. I know those who have lost a child
understand, but there are those who don't...thus, the title of my poem:
Please Understand
Let me cry, don’t divert me, but don’t walk away
There is nothing you can do to stop this pain
Let me weep with deep, bitter sobs of grief
My heart will heal, but it will be scarred
When my tears dry and you see me smile
Understand that smile will be different
Part of who I am in this world died with my son
And I can never go back to how I use to be
I don’t know where this journey of loss and grief goes
The road to recovery seems twisted and rocky
I can’t see around the bend and you can’t guide me
It’s not your fault, it’s just the way it is
So just be patient with me and allow me to grieve
I don’t know when I’ll find solace, I just know not yet
Don’t push me or try to make me better,
Just love me, stay close and catch me when I fall
If I seem unreasonable, it’s because I am
There is nothing reasonable about losing your child
I do love you all, could not get through without you
But I must mourn until God turns it into dancing
So please let me talk all I want about Leon and his death
Let me talk all I want about his life and laughter, too
Some day, I’ll spot the shore and go on with living
For now, I am only his mother drifting in a sea of tears
...please understand
©B J Bertelson
(Leon's Mom)
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Poem for Jody Wayne Chisum
"There is no etiquette behind closed hospital doors,
More certain than the focused gaze of a family,
That waits for a single pain-free smile
From a son who is dying of AIDS.
Even though the miles between
Health and disease
Will finally separate them,
Their blues eyes connect
In a claustrophobic room
Where he is stretched out like an astronaut
On a bed of air, awaiting the journey,
Floating on the ripples of a morphine drip
In the silence that only love can break through.
Somehow, though it goes against every instinct to protect,
They will find the strength to let him go,
And someday,
He will cross the surface of their memories again
Without pain
And with the bluest of eyes."
By Roger Platizky, dear, dear friend to us all
* * * * * * *
I'm 21 Today, Momma
I’m 21 today momma, I wish you wouldn’t cry
It’s pretty where I am momma, but you’re still askin’ why
The pain it took to stay momma was more than it took to go
If I could do it all again momma, momma, I don’t know
The man here’s been good to me momma, he understood my pain
He held me in that darkest hour through the anguish in my brain
The pain it took to stay momma, was more than it took to go
If I could do it all again momma, momma, I don’t know
Tell them Momma, tell them not to follow in my shoes
Tell them Momma, tell them a life’s too much to lose
He told me “child, it’s not your time, there’s more for you to do”
But I didn’t understand, momma, that love could pull me through
The pain it took to stay, momma, was more than it took to go
If I could do it all again, momma, I think I know
It’s been a year since you last hugged me momma, I miss your gentle touch
You would have laid down your life for me, but this Man did it first
And now that it’s too late for me, please send my message from above
If I could do it all again, momma,
Momma, I’d choose love
Tell them momma, tell them not to follow in my shoes
Tell them momma, tell them a life’s too much to lose
Tell them momma, tell them not to follow in my shoes
Tell them momma, tell them a life’s too much to lose
If I could do it all again, momma, I'd choose to live
If I could do it all again, momma, I'd choose to live
I'm 21 today momma, I wish you wouldn't cry...
©Jan Ulrich
Momma of Nathan Eisert 5/27/82-6/8/02
(listen to the song/order the CD at the Tell Them Momma website)
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"BUMP", "BUMS" and "BUMP Angels" founded in Loving Memory of Leon Eli.