The Twenty-first Sunday after PentecostThe Twenty-first Sunday after Pentecost

October 13, 2002

Leonia United Methodist Church, NJ

Little Jonathan came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked Jonathan what happened.

"Well, Dad," said Jonathan, "You know Eddie--that boy who's always giving me a hard time. I challenged him to a duel. And I gave him his choice of weapons."

His father said, "That seems fair."

"I know," Jonathan said, "but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!"

Conflict is part of life. People get into arguments. Resentment builds. Controversy erupts. Angry words are spoken. Relationships are broken. Outright fighting may ensue. Conflict happens.

Even in church. Some are thinking, "Especially in church."

Conflict happens. It even happened in the churches that bore the direct influence of the Apostle Paul. Listen to his words to the Church at Philippi: "Therefore, my brothers and sisters, whom I love and long for, [my joy and crown,] stand firm in the Lord in this way, [my beloved]. I urge Euodia, and I urge Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you also, my loyal companion, help these women, for they have struggled beside me in the work of the gospel, together with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life." [4:2 NRSV]

Here are two of St. Paul's finest lay people and they are in conflict with each other. We can not tell in any group of people where anger and resentment may erupt.

I was reading recently about a deadly octopus, whose bite can kill in minutes. The bite of the blue-ringed octopus causes blurred vision and difficulty in swallowing followed rapidly by paralysis and death. There is no known antidote.

The deadly creature, native to Australia, is only the size of a golf ball. It is said to be a truly beautiful creature in color, but it only displays its true blue-ringed colors when it is about to attack. And then it is too late.

Sometimes problems arise in the church quickly and unexpectedly. Someone says something critical. Someone else gets envious. Someone takes an unpopular position, and soon people who had been friends are at each other's throats. And it is sad. It broke St. Paul's heart to see two of his finest lay people hurting the witness of the church because of their enmity toward one another. And so he asks other members of the church to intervene.

Every pastor has to face this kind of situation sooner or later. It is part of the human condition. The church isn't a collection of saints, but of sinners redeemed by grace. Still, we should be able to do better. What causes us to strike out at one another? What causes us to be envious of one another? What causes us to make differences of opinion into personal affronts? Why do we find it so hard to forgive one another? Could it be because we have never experienced unconditional love in our lives – the unconditional love of God?

Sometime back two women appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Both of the women appeared to be 40ish. They were nice looking. One was blonde and slender. The other was brunette and a little heavier. But there was a strange bond that linked the two women--for you see, the brunette, heavier-set lady had killed the blonde lady's daughter.

The brunette lady is an alcoholic who has finally gotten her life together. But not before she had done some tragic damage to people around her. She's a mother herself with three children. While alcohol had her in its grip, she tragically neglected her children. Even worse, she got behind the wheel of a car one day in a drunken state and plowed into a car carrying the other woman's young daughter and killed her.

How would we feel toward a drunk who had killed our only child? How would we feel toward the person whose irresponsibility had robbed us of the one person we loved most in the world? What would we do with the grief, the anger, the rage? I don't know what we would do in this situation, but here is what this lady did: she forgave the woman who had killed her daughter. She not only forgave her in her mind; she reached out in love to this sad woman who had taken her daughter's life. She helped this woman deal with her own remorse, helped her break her dependence on alcohol, helped her take control of her life and become a loving mother and a responsible member of the community.

And Oprah asked in obvious awe, "How did you do this? How did you forgive this woman who had done you such a terrible wrong?"

And this nice-looking blonde lady said, "I had to." Then she added, "Because Someone once forgave me." Then she added, "I have experienced the unconditional love of God in my life and I had to share it with someone else."

Wow! "I have experienced the unconditional love of God."

Have we ever experienced unconditional love? Love without strings, love without expectations, love given not because of something we have done, but simply and solely because we are who we are. This is the deepest need that human creatures have to experience – to experience unconditional love.

We know what happens to people who do not experience unconditional love as children? All their lives they search for that love. And they carry around burning questions within their hearts. Am I worthy? Do I have any value as a human being? Could anybody ever really love me? There are people sixty years old who are still seeking some assurance that their lives count for something. Adults with this basic insecurity act it out in different ways. Some are workaholics; some are addicts. All have difficulty with relationships.

Teenagers are not immune. Can we imagine a thirteen-year-old girl driven by this insecurity? Am I worthy? Do I have any value as a human being? Could anybody ever really love me? Can you see how easily she could be manipulated by a young fellow concerned only with his own needs?

Imagine a thirteen-year-old boy with these same fears? Desperate to be accepted, he finds friends who accept him for what he is. But there is a price for admission to the group. He must take on the values of his new comrades. Most young people who get involved with drugs do so because of a need for acceptance.

Now, listen: If your children are still toddlers, nothing is more important than taking time to love them. Nothing is more important. Nothing! Your own career is not as important. Your time is not as important. Even your own happiness is not as important.

If your children are teenagers, it's probably too late. If they're still searching for unconditional love, they will probably resist any effort you may make to bridge that gap. Unless, of course, they are among the unfortunate young people who crash and burn. Then it will be time for all the unconditional love you can muster. Unconditional love is the greatest need human creatures have. If we do not receive that love, we spend the rest of our lives seeking after it. And there is always that lingering sense of inadequacy.

This is where many of our problems begin--with a sense of inadequacy--a sense that we don't measure up. This is the curse of people who have never experienced unconditional love.

For example, suppose I hear that you have said something critical about me. It may bother me, but I will be able to handle it, if I am secure in myself--if I have experienced unconditional love and know myself to be a complete and worthy child of God. But suppose I have this lingering sense of inadequacy. Then the criticism has much more sting--and the temptation will be to strike out in return.

A sense of inadequacy is the source of all envy. If I know that I am worthy and complete in myself, then I have no reason to be jealous of others’ accomplishments and rewards. Indeed, I can rejoice at the recognition that others receive. But if I am unsure about myself, any award another wins is but a reminder to me of my own personal lack of achievement. And it grates on me and might even cause me to lash out--even though the other has done nothing at all to deserve my anger.

Do we see that the way to solve the problem of conflict in the church is not for us all to take conflict resolution classes and to develop our skills at interpersonal relationships--though that would not hurt? But the greatest thing we could do to have peace and harmony in the church is to focus on the unconditional love of God for each of us and to see that where that love is experienced, there is no need for disharmony and discord, no need for envy or a critical spirit, no need for angry words and smug dismissals. As psychologist Sheldon Kopp says, "All of the significant battles are waged within the self." And it's true. When people have never experienced unconditional love, they have an interesting attitude toward others: Not only can they not accept themselves, they have trouble accepting others. They're quick to pass judgement. They're envious. They have trouble forgiving.

          It has always interested me that Jesus never called anyone a sinner. Jesus had no need to put anyone else down, condemn them, criticize them. All of his conflicts were with the people who did thrive on putting other people down. Why was Jesus able to open his heart to all people--even those who hung him on the cross? It was because Jesus experienced unconditional love in his own life. He got it from his Heavenly Father and he passed it on to others--just like that blonde lady on Oprah did who passed it on to the woman who killed her daughter.

Unconditional love is what God is all about. "In this is love," says the first letter of John. "Not that we loved God but that [God] loved us and sent His son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins." (4:10 NRSV0

The Cross is what separates Christians from Buddhists, from Moslems, even from Jews. "God so loved the world that he gave his only son that everyone who believes in him may not perish . . ." (John 3:16) Unconditional love is what God is all about.

Several years ago, there was a Dennis the Menace cartoon that grabbed my attention. Dennis is walking away from the next-door neighbors' house, the home of Mr. And Mrs. Wilson, with Joey, his younger friend for whom Dennis served as kind of a mentor. Both of the lads have their hands loaded with cookies. Joey asks, "I wonder what we did to deserve this?" And Dennis responds with these words of profound wisdom: "Look, Joey, Mrs. Wilson gives us cookies not because we're nice, but because she's nice."

And that's the Gospel. God so loved the world . . .

Are our hearts filled with anger and hurt today because we have never experienced unconditional love? Are we still questioning in our hearts: Am I worthy? Is there any value to my life? Could anybody really love me?

I know Someone who loves us. Could we open our hearts this day and receive God's love? Young people, don't settle for a cheap substitute. Mom, Dad, you can't make enough money or win enough applause to fill the emptiness in your heart. We think it's too late for us? It's not. It's never too late for God. Please, stop where we are today, and let God love us.

St. Paul writes to the church at Philippi, "And now I want to plead with those two dear women, Euodias and Syntyche. Please, please, with the Lord's help, quarrel no more--be friends again." Here's what they need. Here's what you and I need--to open our hearts to the unconditional love of God.