Lakehills United Methodist Church,

Lakehills Texas

From the Eye of the Needle

Pastor Herren has been on sabbatical but here’s a funny for you!  

The Perfect Pastor  

The Perfect Pastor preaches exactly 10 minutes.  He condemns sin roundly, but never hurts anyone's feelings.  He works from 8 a.m. until midnight, and is also the church janitor.

The Perfect Pastor makes $40 a week, wears good clothes, drives a good car, buys good books, and donates $30 a week to the church.  He is 29 years old and has 40 years' worth of experience.  Above all, he is handsome.

The Perfect Pastor has a burning desire to work with teenagers, and he spends most of his time with the senior citizens.  He smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his church.  He makes 15 home visits a day and is always in his office to be handy when needed.

The Perfect Pastor always has time for church meetings and all of its committees, never missing the meeting of any church organization.  And he is always busy evangelizing the un-churched.

The Perfect Pastor is always in the next town over!

If your pastor does not measure up, simply send this notice to six other churches that are tired of their pastor too. Then bundle up your pastor and send him to the church at the top of your list.  If everyone cooperates, in one week you will receive 1, 643 pastors.  One of them should be perfect.

Have faith in this letter.  One church broke the chain and got its old pastor back in less than three months.