"Mike Yaconelli, the cofounder of Youth Specialties, tells about the time when,
there or find solace in the presence and preaching of Henri Nouwen. Instead, he
found his true self. He tells his story: "It took only a few hours of silence before
I began to hear my soul speaking. It took being alone for a short period of time for
me to discover I wasn't alone. God had been trying to shout over the noisiness of my
life, but I couldn't hear Him. But, in the stillness and solitude, God's whispers
shouted from my soul. "Michael, I am here. I have been calling you, but you
haven't been listening. Can you hear me Michael? I love you. I have always loved
you and I have been waiting for you to hear me say that to you, but you have been
so busy trying to prove yourself and to prove that you are loved, that you haven't
heard me." I heard him and my slumbering soul was filled with the joy of the
prodigal son. My soul was awakened by a loving father who had been looking and
waiting for me. Finally I accepted my brokenness . . . I had never come to terms
with that. Let me explain. I knew I was broken. I knew I was a sinner. I knew I
continually disappointed God, but I could never accept that part of me. It was a
part of me that embarrassed me. I continually felt the need to apologize, to run
from my weaknesses, to deny who I was and to concentrate on what I should be.
I was broken, yes. But I was continually trying never to be broken again, or at
least to get to the place where I was very seldom broken. . . At L'Arche it became
very clear to me that I had totally misunderstood the Christian faith. I came to see
that it was in my brokenness, in my powerlessness, in my weakness, that Jesus
was made strong. It was in the acceptance in my lack of faith that God could
give me faith. It was in the embracing of my brokenness that I could identify with
other's brokenness. It was my role to identify with other's pain, not to relieve it.
Ministry was sharing, not dominating; understanding, not theologizing; caring,
not fixing. Now what does all of this mean? I don't know . . . and to be quite
blunt, that is the wrong question. I only know that at a certain time in all of our
lives, we make an adjustment in the course of our lives and this is one of those
times for me. If you were to look at a map of my life, you would not be aware
of any noticeable difference, other than a slight change of direction. I can only
tell you that it feels very different now. There is an anticipation and an electricity
about God's presence in my life that I have never experienced before. I can only
tell you that for the first time in my life, I can hear Jesus whisper to me every day,
" Michael, I love you. You are beloved." And for some strange reason, that
seems to be enough."
"Abba's Child - The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging" , by Brennan Manning. NAVPRESS 1994, pp51.