FACING ADVERSITY

What is an ideal life?  
If you could design the perfect life, what would it be like?

There would be some limitations, of course.
For instance, you can't life forever in your present physical form.

But if your life were just the way you wanted it, what would it be like?

First of all, you would be born.
Let's say you were born to a happily married couple who really wanted a baby 
and who were willing and able to nurture you.

You would be born healthly.

You would probably have some brothers and sisters to give you some one to play 
with as you grew up, and hopefully to give you a helping hand over the rough spots.

Your parents would give you some firm discipline, but still give you the freedom to 
develop as an individual.
They would see that you got your shots, went to Sunday School, and did your homework.   
They would  gave you a chance to  participate in sports, music, or 
other activities which you liked. 

You would be smart enough that you could handle most of your school work with 
ease, but maybe not so smart that people thought of you as being brainy. 

You would have some talents which would give you the satisfaction that you were 
"good at something" and that would give you   a sense of achievement and perhaps 
some deserving and encouraging praise from others.

You family would be comfortable enough so that you didn't have to worry about 
where the next meal was coming from or whether you had new duds to clothe you 
as you grew up.  You would be able to go to exciting places and do exciting things. 

You would make friends easily so that you always had some one to share life's 
joys.
And of course you would have some doting grandparents nearby who might let 
you get away with some things your parents wouldn't let you do.

You would grow up to be  healthly and good-looking.  Maybe a childhold disease or 
a cold or two, but nothing serious.  You would not be so handsome and beautiful  
that you had to fight off the opposite sex-- just attractive enough to find someone 
with whom you would want to share the rest of your life. 
 
You would be able to get enough education to get a job that you really enjoyed and 
gave you a certain amount of prestige and satisfaction.  But not so demanding that 
it would destroy your family life and your ability to enjoy yourself and your 
opportunities to give something of yourself to others.

You and your mate would have many shared interests, would make a well-
functioning team, and would have a love that developed with the years.  You would have 
several children, who would lead healthy and trouble-free lives, bringing you 
pride and eventually grandchildren to carry on the family tradition.

You would be able to live in a comfortable house in a nice neighborbood  -- but not 
so ostentatious that you felt pressures to keep up with the neighbors. 

You would have a challenging circle of friends; would have a strong faith and a 
good church relationship; would have enjoyable and rewarding activities; and 
would generally feel good about your self.

Your grandparents and, eventually, your parents would lead long lives, eventually 
dying peacefully in their old ages.

You would be able to retire comfortably at an early age and be able to live where 
you wanted and to do what you wanted.

You also would live a long healthy life, dying peacefully in your sleep of old age -- 
hopefully before or at the same time as your spouse.



Perhaps, I am getting a little too idealistic.  
Nobody lives a life like that.  Life is full of risks
We all have to face adversity.
By chance, there is some probability that bad things can happen.

We may be born with a deformity or disability of some kind.
Our parents may be poor, struggling to give us a meal.
Certain  physical and mental tasks may be difficult for us.
We may suffer child abuse.
We may not have grandparents.
Maybe our parents separate while we are growing up, or we may not even live 
with our parents.
The class bully may always pick on us.
Maybe our hair is unmanageable, our teeth crooked, our nose too big.
Our attempts to attract the opposite sex may turn out as flat as a pancake.
We may have an accident which cripples us either temporarily or permanently.
We may not be selected to be the beauty queen or to be a member of the sports 
team.
That class paper that we thought was so good might only get a C+.
Maybe we didn't get that scholarship we wanted or didn't get into the college of 
our dreams.
Perhaps we never find a life mate; or if we do, we find the mate is unfaithful.
Maybe we get laid off from our job, or maybe we can't seem to find a good one.
Someone in our family may come down with a life-threatening illness.
We might have to be care-giver.
A loved-one may die suddenly and unexpectantly
Our house may burn down or be flooded.
We may become addicted to some drug or bad habit.
We may suffer discrimination of some kind.
We may be robbed or assaulted, a victim of crime
We may experience war or famine
We may be sued or have an IRS audit
Some project to which we devoted enormous energy, may be sacked.
Our business may become bankrupt.  An investment may go sour.
A friend  or loved one may turn away.
Our body or mind may prematurely age.
We may get a terminal illness.



Life can be very though.  It is not a bowl of cherries.
It is certainly not the ideal that I pictured earlier.

We all face adversities. 
Some like Job, more than others. 
I've faced my share.
And I know some of you have faced things I haven't.
It is part of life.

Adversities may come about because of neglect or folly, but I can't believe that 
adversities are God's way of punishing.  
I'm not a supporter of gambling, but I would like to borrow a gambling expression:  
adversities are a roll of the die. 

But how we handle these adversities is the measure of what kind of people we 
are.

We can ignore them -- Keep the stiff upper lip. 
But medical authorities tell us that doing so can be hazardous  to our health.
The sorrow is real.  To ignore it is unnatural. 

We must be realistic.
Facing our adversities, even to the extent of crying can be a sound release.

Experience has shown that there are four vital attributes which we should put in 
our toolkits when we come up against adversity.

Just as there are the four winds of the universe, I believe there are 4 corners or 
cornerstones  of our world to which we can go for dealing with adversity.



The first cornerstone is sharing.
Sharing may take many forms.    The most obvious form is to talk to others   
-- to let out our feelings.  -- unload some of that weight on our shoulders.
To listen for their advice.   Perhaps only to hear them say:  I understand.
After all, what are friends for?

Many scientific studies have shown that when people feel loved through a system 
of social support, things happen in their body's physiology that encourages healing 
and promotes general well-being and happiness.
 
But there are ways of communicating other than talking:
A smile, a tender look of recognition, a handshake, a soft pat on the back
Sometimes a simple hug can have powerful impact.

One little touch, to me means so very much,
about the way that you care, about the things that we share.
One little glance, O yes it may be a chance,
but then I do need to know: that you still care for me so.
One little touch, O yes it does mean so much.

As Mark says:  " All who touched Jesus were healed".
Michelangeo painted God touching Adam, the touch being the gift of life.
We can touch both physically and emotionally.

There is medical evidence to support that appropriate touching can stimulate the 
release of pain suppressing elements within our body.
The benefits of massage are well documented.

Also, we can express or share of ourselves with words -- in letters, cards to others. 
-- in journals or diaries to ourselves,    --perhaps even in poetry.    In this world of 
cellular phones and satellites, the power of the written word is often overlooked. 

Also many find release in painting, composing music, building furniture, or in 
doing other creative endeavors. 

And if you are to believe Hollywood, many of the great musical pieces were 
written by composers who suffered the pangs of unrequited love.. 

When our first child died, I found that writing music gave me tremendous release. 
I could let go of my emotions through music and words.
It was a way of sharing

From time to time, our church offers new Bible Study and other similar learning 
experiences.  Bible Study may be the title, but in reality, these groups can be 
powerful sharing groups.  When the announcement of new study groups comes up 
in the next few weeks, think of them as sharing groups.



The second cornerstone of my foundation for dealing with adversity is to be 
thankful.

When everything seems to be going wrong, be thankful for the things that are 
going right.  

If you are blind, be thankful you can hear.
If you don't have two hands, be thankful you have one.

If a person dies, don't rue their death, but be thankful that they lived. 
A funeral can be a celebration -- a celebration that the person lived and we got to 
enjoy that life.

Often at wakes and funerals, we find ourselves talking about unique experiences 
that we had with the deceased.  The person is gone, but our live was enriched 
because the person lived.  We have a memory for which to be thankful.

As many of you know, our daughter is facing a life-threatening illness.  Realizing, 
the uncertainties of life, she and I have had a chance to communicate on some of 
the joyous times together we have had.  Talking with others who also 
communicated with her since her illness, I have found that they also had similar 
experiences.  This sharing has helped us all.  We have so much for which to be 
thankful.

There is a hymn by Henry Smith which beautifully goes:

Give thanks, with a grateful heart.
Give thanks to the Holy one.
Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son.
And now let the sick say, " I am whole!"
Let the poor say, "I am free"
because of what the Lord has done for us.
Give thanks.

Copyright 1978 by Integrity's Hosanna! Music

I can also recall at least two songs which have the message:  Count Your Blessings.

We can be bitter.  We can say life is unfair.  But oh how much better it is to say:

Why not celebrate the good, and reflect on what is right.
Good things happen when you're sound of mind, and each day spills out with hope.

The third corner is a positive frame of mind. 

While browsing the Internet, I came across a survivors story.  
A woman was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor.  
She had to undergo a lengthy radiation program.  
During the follow-up care when she had periodic MRI scans, 
the woman would lightheartedly and humorously contradict 
the doctors and insist that her tumor was no longer present.
Finally, one year after the initial diagnosis, her doctor walked into the 
examination room shaking his head.  
"My tumor is gone, isn't it?', the woman said smiling.  
"Yes," the doctor replied "it's gone".

We have all heard stories of athletics, musicians, explorers, business people, and 
the like who had a goal and through determination and dedication were able to 
achieve the goal.  

When the odds are tough,
and the road is rough,
and things seem out of whack,
then stand up tall
and give your all,
and shout for all your worth:
I can do it! I can do it! With God's help I know I can do it.
Let's not rue it. Let's not rue it. Let us wear the happy face.

People who have control of their lives; who are optimistic; who have dreams and 
goals;  who don't let anger, anxiety, hostility, and depression get in their way; 
are happier and healthier.   Life may be unfair.  But we must live by its rules.

Positive postures put trouble away.
Grateful thanksgiving makes light of each day.

The fourth corner is a strong faith in the Almighty. 

Many studies have shown certain characteristics of those who are the happiest and 
healthiest:
They have a philosophy of life based on a spiritual or religious faith. 
They believe existence has some larger meaning.
There  believe that there is something permanent which transcends us.
They express and develop their faith through regular church attendance.

All around is darkness, not a bit of light.
But even through the darkest night, I know there's a sun.
O, I know there's a sun. I know there's a sun.
Even through the darkest night, I know there's a sun.

Though I sense but hate, see it everywhere.
Yet even when I find no care, I know there is love.
O, I know there is love. I know there is love.
Even though I find no care, I know there is love.

Though I hear but silence, when I say a prayer.
Yet even through the worst despair, I know there's a God.
O I know there's a God. I know there's a God.
Even through the worst despair, I know there's a God.

I know there's a sun. I know there is love.
And even through the worst despair, I know there's a God.

We have four corners of a universe for dealing with adversity:
sharing,  being thankful, being positive, and having faith .
But if you do a little thinking, you can see that there is something which utilizes all 
these cornerstones and which can be the foundation for using them all 
-- that is prayer.

When we pray, we are sharing.
We tell of our hopes and dreams.  We ask for help.

When we pray, we give thanks.  -- for things which have been given us,
perhaps for answered prayers.

When we pray, we take a positive viewpoint based on our faith that prayers will 
help us.  -- that prayers will give us courage.  that someone is listening.

There is nothing more positive and uplifting than to hear that someone is praying 
for you.  
Knowing that others care  -- that you matter to other people
--  gives us more resolve to face and overcome the adversities which we have.

When we pray,  that is, when we share, when we give thanks, when we have a 
positive attitude, and when we have faith,  I believe that something happens to 
the physiology of our body that gives us the power to overcome the adversities 
that beset us.  We become better adjusted, happier, healthier, stronger, more 
courageous  people,  able to withstand almost anything. 

Let us pray. 

In Isaiah, we read:

When you pass through deep waters I will be with you;
your troubles will not overwhelm you.
When you pass through fire, you will not be burned;
the hard trials that come will not hurt you.

God, when we face difficulties, we know that you are with us:
sustaining, strengthening, grounding

Help us to build a prayer life of sharing, thankfulness, conviction, and faith.
Amen.

Put yourself in God's hands.
Let him hold you up.
May you feel his warm touch,
as he fills your cup.
For when you let him grow in you,
you have a seed that's pure.
He's there to help in all you do.
You'll know a life secure.

Put yourself in God's hands.
Let him lead your way
May you know the true path
as you live each day.
For when you put your trust in him,
your soul expands with hope.
You have a grace that will not dim.
You have the means to cope.